Dear Marta, Martypantts, Martini...
It’s been 25 years. We’ve made it to a quarter of a century. How do you feel? I know - you feel a lot of things. You’re letting yourself feel everything you’ve ever denied yourself to feel - the good and the bad. You’re breathing in all that you are for the first time in a while. It’s scary and overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like you are drowning inside of yourself because your soul is that vast and beautiful. And confusing, might I add. 🙂
You are experiencing a death and a rebirth all at the same time. You are shedding skin that no longer serves you. That skin has come in the form of people, thoughts, beliefs and behavior. You are becoming aware of all that’s ever been and ever will be. You are recognizing that’s what is within you and without you. You are learning to breathe. Deeply and slowly. You are learning to trust yourself. You are getting to know your own heart like never before. You are rediscovering parts of yourself you have hidden out of fear. You are facing your fears fearlessly. You are practicing courage consistently. You are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for the sake of curiosity and growth and YOLO-ing. You are realizing how much you adore spontaneity and freedom. You are figuring out how to access that within you every day. You are getting better at freeing yourself. You are getting better at meeting your own needs. You are getting better at communicating your needs to those around you. You are learning what boundaries are. You are realizing that you have boundaries, as well as the right to communicate them.
You are realizing that greatness and abundance is your birthright. You are learning great lessons in the areas of romantic love, family, friends and forgiveness. You are learning how to be patient with yourself as you learn these lessons. You are seeing how these lessons are molding you into the person you’ve always wanted to become. You are figuring out how your “career” aligns with your purpose and passion. Your purpose is being revealed to you and you are patiently waiting for more clarity. In the meantime, you are taking risks and learning new skills. You are exploring different passions. You are learning how to take care of and celebrate your body and mind. You are learning that you need time alone and you are prioritizing that as you go. You are learning that discipline is not a punishment but rather a surefire way to meet your goals. You are learning that procrastination is just another way of postponing your blessings. You are learning that your dreams are real and you deserve to follow them. You are learning that goals are the steps on the ladder to making your dreams come true. You are allowing yourself to dream and believe in the impossible again. You are learning how to wake up early and motivated consistently. You are learning how to balance self-protection and vulnerability. You are discovering a deep-seated anger you have been harboring towards the patriarchy your entire life. You are finally finding ways to express that anger in healthy ways. Right now, it is showing up as a strong desire to empower yourself and other women while continuing to educate yourself on feminism. You are learning that pussy power is a real thing. And it’s great. 😼
Most of all, Marta, you are figuring out that you are far from perfect and that is more than okay. You are learning to deal with the fact that you are perfectly imperfect. You are learning that you cannot be defined no matter how hard you try. And that’s exactly how it was meant to be. You cannot meet everyone’s expectations all the time no matter how hard you try. That’s not what you were born to do. Also, there is no right way to be a woman… or a human, for that matter. Everyone is on their own journey. And each journey is sacred. There is no use in trying to control other people’s journey or considering other people’s opinions about your own.
Stay put. Stay in your lane. Trust God’s timing. Honor and follow your intuition.
Now, I’d like to tell you some of the things I love and adore about you. I love how resilient you are. I love how you get up every morning determined to be better than you were yesterday. I love how impatient you get when you feel like every day is just another baby-step towards who you are supposed to be. I know you wish you could make strides and run a marathon in under a minute instead, but that’s another thing I love about you... Sometimes you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and your journey that make you get down on yourself. I love how you’re learning not to be so hard on yourself anymore. I love how aware you are of the mistakes you’ve made and will continue to make. I love how desperately you try to own up to them and are learning to give yourself the grace to correct them. I love how often you practice self-forgiveness even when you are stubborn and take longer than necessary to correct or learn from your mistakes. I love the patience you’ve learned and are continuing learn to give yourself and others. I love how you’re learning to love yourself through heartache. Finally, you have found that heartbreak is a means to an end… not an end. And your lovers are not your enemies – just equally stubborn teachers that are here to show you who you are. Receive and let go with gratitude.
I love how you’re giving yourself the space and time to feel - everything. You’re letting anger, sadness, disappointment, grief, pain and fear move through you with grace, honor and gratitude. You’re letting joy, happiness, laughter, love, relief, and peace move through you with grace, honor and gratitude too. You are allowing yourself to be filled up with all of life’s gifts... including the ones that come wrapped in sandpaper. I love how you keep hope alive in your heart for the world you wish to live in. I love how easily inspired you are by everything. I love your curiosity and how you give yourself the permission to pursue it. I love how much you love adventure and learning new things about yourself and others.
I love your humility and how you are learning not to hide behind it. You are recognizing that humility is meant to be a badge of honor, not a shield. You can be humble and still shine brightly. That is your gift and responsibility to the world. I love how desperately you want to understand the way the world and the universe work. I love how determined you are to find out, even if this desire makes you feel you uncomfortable sometimes. I love how willing you are to adapt and apply new information. I love how eagerly you are coming into your womanhood. I love how courageously you are redefining yourself and what it means to be a beautiful, strong woman on your own terms. I love your desire to be authentic and vulnerable. I love how you love to live on the edge like that. And I love how you’re learning to honor that unapologetically.
I could keep writing but I’d be writing forever about how much I love you. I know I haven’t always felt this way about you. In fact, I hated you for a long time. I caused you a lot of pain because of that. I’m sorry and I hope you continue to build the strength you need to forgive me and love me back unconditionally.
This is only the beginning and our first 25 years together have been pretty epic. We did the best we could with what we knew and what we had. I’m excited for our next quarter. You’ve got a fire in your eyes like I’ve never seen.
This is gonna be good.
Let’s keep livin’, learnin’ and lovin’ like we do.🥂😈🖤✨
Love, Marta, Martypantts, Martini
PS. You are a wild woman. Don’t forget that.
PPS. Stop seeking permission.
PPPS. Happy Birthday.